Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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