Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
