nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i drank out of a bidet.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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