She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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