Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
