So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
