cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
