quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
