The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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