Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
