During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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