so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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