i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
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