At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
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