What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
