will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
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