I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
