pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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