he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Randomize
