That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
