I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
