dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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