I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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