don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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