There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
