Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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