i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
