I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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