I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
