What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
