how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
