the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
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