aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Boobs speak an international language.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
