All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
