I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
