I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
