We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
