Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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