Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize