Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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