i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
