just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize