i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
