Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize