just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
