took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize