I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
