i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
