i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
