For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
