You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
