Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
