pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
