I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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