i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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