she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
