So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
