I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
It's never too late to be topless.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Randomize
