There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
