i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
