Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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