Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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