tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
