Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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