i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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