you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
