Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
