pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize