yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
