someone threw a dead crab at me
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
