i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
