Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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