who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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